A Bit Tetched

Events at our household have slowed a bit these last few days. Our staff have been suffering from something identified as a “cold”. Humans, in yet another example of their total lack of empathy for those around them, have been staying in the home and insisting on petting us. Normally we would be all about a little attention. A carefully placed chin scratch can do wonders for improving your day. However, having to spend hour upon hour listening to the humans make strange snuffling noises, usually followed by loud, long honking sounds, is enough to destroy any good feelings that a pleasant ear rub may generate.

At least cats have the decency to find a quiet, out-of-the-way spot to nurse their ills.

The other downside to this event, as we’ve sadly discovered, is that the staff seem less inclined to open a bottle of wine. Not that we need them in order to open a bottle, but this is a talent we prefer to keep to ourselves. With the staff ALWAYS around, it’s hard to discreetly open a bottle. So we are left to wait for the humans to perform this simple task.

To add insult to injury, a few friends of the staff have stopped by for a few moments, usually with packages in tow. Aha! we thought, surely a nice bottle will soon appear. After all, gifts of wine are one of the best reasons to tolerate visits from other humans.

Alas, these visitors appeared with hot liquids, usually referred to as soup, which generally smelled suspiciously vegetal, or small cardboard boxes filled with even smaller brightly colored tubes, which were always identified as “medicine”. “Medicine” is never good, so why the staff has accepted these items, much less actually been seen willingly swallowing them, is one of the great mysteries of the universe.

One character even arrived with a beautiful tin containing tea leaves, which the staff treated as if it were the most magnificent gift ever received. We are not opposed to tea, as a rule. It has a certain charm, and top-flight teas often exhibit many of the same levels of depth and complexity that we so enjoy with wine. But to treat this as if receiving a gift from the magi! Eh. Really, the fact that it helps “relieve the pressure” is not a good enough reason to forsake wine in favor of tea.

But then a long-time friend and lover of all things wine arrived. It was just a short stop, a quick moment between various appointments, when his route happened to take him by the house. Such are many of his visits, and yet, he is always cheerful and happy to see you, so no one really seems to notice that he comes and goes while everyone else is still slowly moving from just-arrived mode into great-party mode.

We love this human. He brings excellent gifts, never overstays, and his socks always smell of catnip.

And yet, this time he arrived with a box that looked suspiciously small for a bottle of wine. We heard something about how hard it is to enjoy wine while feeling “stuffed”. Hmmm…. But the contents of the box were guaranteed to help with that. Hmmmm…..

The box was opened and, as we feared, no bottle of wine. Grumpy old man yowled in displeasure, which certainly caught the attention of the staff. What did appear were even smaller plastic boxes, filled with bear-shaped candies. The staff seemed impressed, for some reason, and they opened the boxes with evident joy and began eating the tiny bears.

Curious as to how these things were supposed to solve the wine dilemma, and feeling testy about the lack of open bottles, Fuzzums was sent forth to sample the new arrivals. Fuzzums is magnificent in her ability to distract the staff while simultaneously stealing a morsel or two. And so it was that Fuzzums was able to provide us with our first taste of gummy bears (as we later learned they were called); but not just any gummy bears – gummy bears flavored with wine.

Ah! We should never have doubted our friend with the catnip socks. Yes, candies made with wine. Lovely little chewy delights that taste just like rose wine and pink champagne! Best of all, the staff were so happy with these little wonders that they’ve ordered more. Sugarfina, you are our best new friend!


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